Finding Calm: Strategies for Coping with Stress and Anxiety
Do you ever feel like you are stuck in an endless cycle of stress? For many of us, the last few years have felt like that, and researchers are telling us that our levels of stress and anxiety are at an all-time high. Consider just a few of the factors that remain present and problematic such as the impact of the pandemic, political divisiveness, racial issues, gun violence and economic uncertainty. External and personal issues all contribute to our stress levels and have the potential to have real consequences on our minds and bodies. It’s important to remember that it is not just major stressors that matter as minor stressors are also impactful and can have a cumulative impact.
We know that stress will always be present in our lives at different levels and is part of the human experience. Given this reality, what can we do to help ourselves and our families and loved ones cope? The answer to that question is complex and multi-faceted. Research has shown that how we manage stress and anxiety has significant ramifications for our physical and mental health, and I’d like to suggest that an important starting point is to focus on ways to calm and regulate our brains and bodies as we face the challenges and stressors of life.
Have you ever noticed how hard it is to stop feeling stressed or anxious by just telling yourself to stop thinking or feeling that way? Managing our activation is often difficult to do and not simply a rational process. That is because our whole person, including our brains and bodies, is impacted by stress and our approach will need to include more than just will power.
Let’s start with understanding how our brains work and respond to stressors. Our brains are wired for survival and on alert for threats and fear. Our Amygdala (which we’ll refer to as Amy), a small structure in the brain, plays a key role in processing emotions, particularly fear and anxiety, and is closely connected with the Autonomic Nervous System (let’s call that our ANS), which controls many of the body's automatic functions, including our responses to potential danger. A fear or stress response can be triggered by big or small stressors, and responses to stressors vary significantly from person to person. When our own Amy senses what feels like a threat to us, it alerts our ANS which then prepares our brains and bodies to respond.
Our ANS is made up of two branches: the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS). In response to fear, the SNS triggers the release of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, to prepare the body to respond to the perceived threat by putting us in fight or flight mode. At times, however, if the stress becomes too overwhelming we may shift out of fight/flight and move into a freeze or shut down response. Once the danger has passed, Amy interacts with the PNS, which helps to regulate bodily functions and restore balance after the stress response has been triggered.
Imagine a ladder and the bottom rung is a calm relaxed state and the top is one of high anxiety/arousal or disconnection/numbness. We go up and down the ANS ladder based on how much threat is perceived, and we operate best when initial activation is followed by the ANS returning to a regulated state to help manage the stress or after the threat is gone. All of this is done to help us survive and is very effective when that system is working well. However, sometimes we get stuck on a rung and/or we do not know how to climb up and down the ladder, and we experience an over or under activation of our ANS, both of which can have negative consequences. Imagine what would happen if our system is under activated and does not respond to potential danger such as hearing a fire alarm go off or the potential harmful impact if we chronically stay on high alert when a threat is no longer present.
Ideally, we are able to go up the ladder in response to a threat and return to a regulated state as quickly as possible even if the stressor is still present. In a regulated state, our brains and bodies function at their best, and we are better able to manage the stress. In psychology, we have a concept called the Window of Tolerance (WOT) which essentially refers to a zone in which we are in a regulated state, able to hold both rational thoughts and awareness of our feelings and have good capacity to make wise decisions. There are many factors that contribute to difficulties in our ability to stay in and move back to the WOT zone. Some of these include the presence of external stress, sensitivity of our own nervous system due to genetics and/or experiences, lack of access to resources and support systems and lack of awareness and skills for how to calm our nervous system. Research validates that our physical and mental well-being is dependent in part on how effectively we manage the ladder of activation and predominantly maintain a regulated state.
Now that we have a better understanding of how our brains and bodies work and the importance of the calming of our ANS, let’s get to some practical considerations and suggestions for practices and skills to assist us. This list is not exhaustive but hopefully will be a helpful starting point.
View of ourselves and our pain: There are two important ways that we view ourselves, our pain and our world that increase our resiliency and ability to manage activation in our brains and bodies. These include Self-Compassion and Healthy Acceptance.
Self-Compassion: Do you often criticize or judge yourself for your pain and/or imperfections? When we do so, we add to our pain and suffering and to the dysregulation of our ANS. If instead we learn to view ourselves with self-compassion, we manage our pain more effectively, increase our ability to soothe our nervous system and increase our wisdom, courage and activation for taking action when needed (think Window of Tolerance). Research indicates that self-compassion is one of the most powerful sources of coping and resilience we have available to us, radically improving our mental and physical wellbeing. Two key components of self-compassion as identified by researcher and psychologist, Dr. Kristin Neff, include having kindness for ourselves for both our pain and our imperfections and recognizing that both are part of the human condition. Helpful ways to engage in self-compassion include asking yourself the questions: 1. Why is it understandable that I might be feeling this way? The answer could be linked to factors in the here and now and also to factors from your history. 2. What would I say to a friend if they were in a similar situation? We often find it easier to be compassionate to a friend than to ourselves, and this question can help us get a different perspective of our situation.
Healthy Acceptance: Foundational to this concept are our abilities to accept reality and focus on what we can control. In her work, Dr. Neff also identified a third component of self-compassion, staying mindfully present with our thoughts, feelings and circumstances. In mindfulness work, we do not try to ignore or deny any of our reality but instead work to accept and stay present with what is true in the present moment. The Serenity Prayer or Mantra provides us with a helpful template as we work on acceptance, asking for the peace to accept what we cannot change, courage to change what we can and the wisdom to know the difference. These components of healthy acceptance are calming to our ANS and assist our efforts to stay in or return to the WOT zone.
Need for Connection: Part of our humanness is our need for others including social contact, a strong support system and a sense of community. Research tells us that social connection increases our ability to regulate our ANS and significantly reduces the impact of trauma and stress. Let’s consider this in 3 ways.
Ongoing Social Contact and Connection: In today’s post-pandemic world, we have an increased awareness of the impact of loss of social contact. The surgeon general recently called attention to the public health crisis of loneliness, isolation and lack of connection and noted the increased risk for individuals experiencing these for mental and physical health issues, including increased risk for premature death comparable to smoking cigarettes daily. On the positive side of this, there is compelling research that social connection is both a protective factor (strengthens resiliency) as well as an important response to stress (lessens fear and soothes the nervous system).
Connection with a Loved One in a Secure Relationship: It is particularly helpful to connect with a safe, trusted person who is in a calm, regulated state. This provides the opportunity for what we call co-regulation, an interactive calming experience with someone who is caring and supportive.
Specialized Support: When struggling with managing stress, anxiety and/or trauma, there are more specialized ways to connect with others for assistance. Examples of this include attending a support group, participating in psychotherapy (individual, group and/or relationship focused) and working with another professional trained in this area.
Body-Focus: Research confirms the impact of stress on our bodies and especially the negative impact of a chronically activated nervous system. In our efforts to calm our ANS, it's important to consider the use of body focused skills to promote healthy regulation.
Deep Breathing: Deep diaphragmatic breathing is a simple and effective way to activate the PNS and calm the ANS. Taking deep, slow breaths can help slow down the heart rate, lower blood pressure, and reduce muscle tension. One way to practice deep breathing is to inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of six. Repeat this cycle for several minutes, focusing on the sensation of the breath moving in and out of the body.
Humming or chanting: Vibrating sounds from humming or chanting can create a soothing effect on the body and nervous system, promoting relaxation.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Progressive muscle relaxation involves tensing and relaxing different muscle groups in the body to help release tension and promote relaxation. One way to practice progressive muscle relaxation is to tense the muscles in one area of the body, such as the neck and shoulders, for a few seconds and then release them while focusing on the sensation of relaxation spreading throughout the body.
Exercise: Regular exercise can help reduce stress and promote relaxation by releasing endorphins and activating the PNS. Aerobic exercise, such as running or cycling, can help reduce anxiety and depression, while yoga or tai chi can help promote relaxation and reduce stress.
Nature walks: Spending time in nature can help reduce stress and anxiety. Taking a walk in a natural setting, such as a park or forest, can help promote relaxation and reduce muscle tension. Focusing on the sights, sounds, and smells of nature can also help redirect the mind away from stress and promote a sense of calm.
Warm Baths: Taking a warm bath can help release tension in the muscles and promote a sense of calm. Adding Epsom salts or essential oils to the bath can also enhance the relaxation effects.
Grounding techniques: Use of your senses to notice things around you can be helpful. Looking around for items that are a certain color, listening for sounds and stopping to notice smells are examples. Using your sense of touch by walking barefoot on grass or sand, touching a tree or plant, or lying down on the ground can help ground the body and mind, creating a sense of stability and safety.
Additional Considerations :
Mindfulness Meditation: Mindfulness meditation involves focusing the mind on the present moment and accepting whatever thoughts or feelings arise without judgment. This can help reduce anxiety and stress and activate the PNS. One way to practice mindfulness meditation is to find a quiet, comfortable place to sit and focus on the sensation of the breath moving in and out of the body. When the mind wanders, gently bring it back to the breath without judgment.
Visualization: Guided imagery or visualization techniques can help calm the nervous system by creating a sense of peace and relaxation.
Laughter and Humor: Laughter can release tension and reduce stress hormones, promoting a sense of calmness and well-being. Did you know that stressed spelled backwards is desserts? :)
Music: Singing out loud and listening to calming music or nature sounds can have a soothing effect on the nervous system, promoting relaxation and reducing anxiety.
Take time to reflect on Positive Emotions: Keeping a positive emotions log is a helpful way to promote regulation and strengthen resiliency. One example is to use the acronym JGAP and daily reflect on times that you felt joy, gratitude, admiration for another person and pride in yourself.
Consider Seeking Professional Help: There are many factors that contribute to a dysregulated ANS, including a history of trauma. If your anxiety or stress is impacting your ability to function in your daily life or you're struggling to cope, don't hesitate to seek help from a mental health professional. They can provide support and guidance tailored to your individual needs and issues. At Heritage Professional Associates, we provide a number of different services such as:
Individual Psychotherapy
Couples and Family Therapy
Group Therapy
Assessment Services to increase understanding of your struggles
Complementary Interventions such as the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP). The SSP is an acoustical/music therapy designed to improve communication between the brainstem and the vagus nerve, which helps regulate the autonomic nervous system. It involves listening to music that has been digitally modified to include frequencies intended to soothe and regulate the nervous system. For further information on the SSP, see information in this newsletter and/or reach out to us.
Conclusion:
My hope is that understanding the significance of nervous system regulation for our health and well-being will empower you to explore options for effectively managing and responding to stress. Each person’s journey is unique as we all respond differently to various techniques and practices. Embrace this opportunity to discover what resonates with you and your nervous system. This journey requires patience and self-compassion, and I encourage you to view each step as a valuable learning experience. Celebrate your progress and be open to adjusting your strategies as needed. I wish you the best and applaud your commitment to positively impact your physical and mental health!
Kim Lodewyk, PhD