The Gift of Resilience To Your Child

As our lives change minute by minute with school and business closings, empty shelves at the supermarket, travel bans, and distressing news reports, uncertainty is the new normal, and fear can take root in our minds and bodies. This is true for our children as well.After the initial burst of joy at the announcement of school closings, the reality begins to sink in - loss of time with friends, missed opportunities, sudden change in plans, and fear and stress etched on the faces of the adults in their lives. In this moment we find ourselves in, how do we return to ourselves? And how can we help our children do the same, and in so doing, grow their capacity for resilience?We start by being honest about our experience, making room for our feelings, and taking the time to care for ourselves - in mind and body. We slow down, breathe, pay attention to our needs and feelings, look for moments of meaningful joy and connection, and find the strength to carry on.Our children look to us for reassurance. We provide that as we care for ourselves; establish new, predictable routines; express gratitude for the good in our lives; and show compassion for others. But perhaps most importantly, we take the time to really see our children. We're curious about their experience, create space for all the unwelcome feelings and questions, and validate their unique perspective.Developmentally, children are still learning emotional regulation. Feelings can be overwhelming. Sometimes - especially when scared, threatened, or confused - behavior is the only way they know how to communicate their needs and feelings. They may isolate and shut down; or have bursts of restless energy and aggression.Through loving connection, we provide co-regulation in times of stress. Directly and indirectly our message is: Your are valuable. Your experience is work listening to. Your needs matter. Together we will look for the calm in the storm, learn to return to ourselves and find that we are strong. Learning and cultivating resilience is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children. We can learn to process and deal with our own stress, we're able to be safe containers for their distress, and provide space for them to take root and grow.More about Sara Zimmerman, LPC